Yesterday, a good friend emailed me about her inability to accept that her son, now a young, working man, would be moving out into his own apartment. Bravely, I told her that I once read somewhere that our children really do not belong to us -- we simply provide them the life skills and parental love in order for them to cope in the real world. And, of course, I added that my husband and I do the very same for Gabe as she has done for her son over the years.
Even as I wrote those words to her, in hopes of offering some comfort, my gut clenched over the thoughts of Gabriel being out in the world on his own -- without me, right there. One day, he will be wanting his independence, and I will be confiding to someone my own inability to accept that he is on his own.
Gabe was still sleeping as I awoke this morning, made my morning coffee and clicked on "Chewing The Fat", one of my favorite blog stops to read. Today's post, Black Armband is very disturbing, and it plays into my fear of not being able to protect Gabriel in society.
But the post also opens a flurry of emotion in me -- anger being at the forefront.
Brent Martin was a young man, living in the UK, with a developmental disability. A gentle man who was targeted by a group of three young men and beaten to death over a bet. Could Brent Martin be taken down with one punch? The winner would win five pounds.
Brent Martin was beaten to death because he had no human value to three incredibly vicious thugs.
This is the type of horrific story that feeds my fear of Gabriel venturing out into society on his own. My ability to protect Gabriel, from people who may see him so worthless as to justify their own ability and penchance for violence, seems weak at best. I won't live forever, and he will be a young man, soon enough, searching for his own path in life, wanting to make his own footprints. My love for Gabriel must outweigh my fear of how society will accept and treat him. That is the only way for Gabriel to live with freedom. I want to teach my son love, hope and courage -- not to live in fear.
In honor of Brent Martin, and for all people killed because of a simple difference -- be it sexual orientation, race, religion or disability -- I ask you to don a black armband and to talk about Brent Martin today. Who is the Brent Martin in your life? And how can you and I make a positive difference so that there are no more victims?
Friday, January 11, 2008
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2 comments:
it is an extreamly fearful job being a parent and sending your child out into the world. You wonder if they will be accepted at school and will they have friends. I think all parents, whether their child has a learning disability or not,must fear this. I feel for the parents of Brent Martin, the parents of Reena Viirk, the parents of James Bulger. Senseless deaths because stupid people found fault with them. One must remember that there is immense good in this world and for every bad story there is always something breathtaking. Always.
While there is good in the world it is terribly sad that there is so much incomprehensible evil like this.
A sexual offender, an addict, a thief all have reasons to want to kill, hurt or injure albeit that those actions are still bad, we can put them into a compartment in our head that understands them. That people so young are punching a person to death for entertainment does seems to be a troubling testament to our modern times. I cannot remember cases like James Bulger and this one when I was a lad in the 1970s.
Moreover this does not appear to be an isolated incident. There does appear to be a sub-culture now of children who live in a fantasy rather than a reality and involve themselves in activities from "happy slapping" to kicking people to death.
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