I was pretty hard on Gabe this morning. What I mean is that I was overly impatient and I found myself chastising him for pooping in his diaper, at the last minute before leaving for preschool and not pooping on the toilet "like a big boy".
At this very moment, I really don't like myself.
It's not that I don't know how to be a patient mom -- I get that. But I find myself teetering on that edge of "OK. Enough is enough. Act your age." too much of the time lately.
What, exactly, is that suppose to mean for Gabriel?
Part of me says, "Well, he's only three years old!" and another, more irate part of me, says, "He's three and a half!" For some of you reading, you might say, "Woman, give your head a shake, he's still only three..." and I concur. But there are some moments -- now frozen in time by my behaviour -- that I can't deal with effectively.
With my niece, I saw her developing maturity meet the normal goals appropriately: going to the toilet, self-dressing, self-feeding, social play and independent play. Sure, there are plenty of behaviours that my sister would like to see gone from Rachel's day-to-day living, but the one thing my sister can be sure of is that her daughter will get to point A to point B and do all the "big girl" things that big girls do. I'm sure my sister doesn't dwell on this...it's a given.
But, in our home, it's different with Gabriel. And I have to remind myself that this is OKAY. I have to plan for it -- I have to plan around it -- and most importantly I have to find the balance between what he is doing and what he is capable of doing. Not always an easy task...
I hope I can make it up to him this afternoon, after school. I feel like a schmuck. I don't fool myself. I think he remembers -- and the last thing I want to do is to make memories like this...I remember my own mother angry most of the time. My memories of her happy -- or even just joyful -- are few. In fact, I can't remember a time right now as I write this post.
I don't want Gabe remembering me like I was this morning...
Patience.
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3 comments:
You are such a wonderful mother and this post proves it! The fact that you recognize your limitations and/or your faults and take corrective action is no different than Gabe's "accident" this morning. In fact, I'll bet it's why he is wearing a diaper.
We don't always do things exactly as we should - imagine what life would be like if we were all perfect!! This is a good time to teach Gabe about forgiveness. It's the key to life.
Don't beat yourself up - hug Gabe and move on.
Wait. Did I write this???? :)
I totally get it this week. I really do!
I am so with you on the patience; I don't know how to do that either! There have been so many times (more than I care to admit!) when I've lost my patience with Kayla and have been harsh/yelled at her (especially w/potty-training- that was such a hard time!) and I feel awful about it too.
So many times I've heard a parent who has a child with special needs say "one thing they have taught me is patience" - ha! I WISH I could say that, but I just don't find it to be true in my case!
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