Lost Cause?

As I expected, I've not received a reply to my email to CTV Global Media. I feel somewhat embarrassed, too, by how I presented my letter. So I am feeling at odds with how to advocate against the use of "retarded" or "retard" when it comes to media. In Canada, I am not sure how much effort is put into the Special Olympics campaign to end the R-word. I'll have to do my research.

Emotionally, I found this whole week to drain me. Energized by anger, and maybe acting a little over the top, I expected someone to do something. But I feel completely depleted today.

I want to see the R-word bleeped out like any other curse word when it comes to television. By that action alone, I would hope a sense of awareness, and maybe even respect would start to develop that this word is not acceptable -- so stop using it.

But nothing will be done. No one will stand up with power and say, "Hey, why didn't you (the show, the producers, the network, the ad agency, the advertisers) bleep her comments? Why not?"

Does it matter to anyone that I won't watch the show anymore? No, of course not. Does it matter to Cover Girl that I won't buy their makeup over this? No, of course not. Does it matter that I see the word as an attack on a personal battle to stop the use of it? Yes, for me, it does. Does it matter in the big ole world? No.

If you read yesterday's comments, you'll see that one poster put the reply remarks (from Facebook) of the model contestant from the show. She says it's use is a catch all phrase. It means nothing -- well, it means that she didn't mean it in a derogatory way.

No? Well, the proof is in the video. She goes onto correct herself because she thought the judges were tsk'tsking her. So she corrects herself by saying she looks "disabled".

BUT the judges didn't care. They were all impressed by her photo shoot and the tsk'tsking was over her self deprecation attitude.

No one cared that she used "retarded" in the sense that she truly meant it: she looked unacceptable. Oh my, she looked retarded.

That had nothing to do with it. It's all there in the YouTube video I posted. So, she isn't being truthful.

There's no way that she will acknowledge what she said. She didn't mean it that way. She swung the word like a big bat not realizing how hard it hits us living in the Down syndrome community.

She wasn't making fun. Well, it has nothing to do with making fun as much as it is intended to silence and dehumanize and segregate those that don't meet society's standards of intelligence. She didn't know this? No, I guess not because she doesn't have loved ones to protect from it.

Why should we treat and accept this word as if it is a "catch all phrase" and is not intended to hurt those with developmental disabilities. Using this word is as vulgar as using the N-word. It is what it is: A verbal tool that dehumanizes the peoples that have fought hard to erase segregation, prejudice and hate. It's history is right there before our eyes. So, why are people denying it for what it is?

When is it going to be "cool" to be politically correct? I'd like to know. When I mentioned to a woman who is gaining her PhD in Education that many parents in the Ds community do not like their children to be referred to as "Down's kids", she justified it by saying most professionals refer to our children this way. A shorthand of speaking. Even though she apologized by saying she did not mean to "offend" me, it did offend me. Why wouldn't it? If the shoe was on the other foot...

Maybe my black mood is taking over today, but I can't see how society is ever going to change. I was talking to my husband about how I felt like a load of bricks hit me right in the face that night I watched the show. And we both feel that it wouldn't have even phased us before having Gabriel. Maybe this is just the way it is, you know?

I just don't know how to bridge that gap of not caring to understanding what our lives are like when society refuses to accept that the R-word is, well, violent. It is what it is. And I don't know what do to about it.

The Video

I waiver on whether to post this link because I don't want Canada's Next Top Model getting any more airtime than necessary. But I posted this link so that you could scroll to about the 7 minute mark to see what I saw on Tuesday evening. Really watch the reactions of the judges. There's not even any flinching on the use of her language. This is what I am talking about here...

My Letter

I've emailed a letter to the network that hosts Canada's Next Top Model. I don't know if I will receive a response or not. Will it make a difference? I don't know. I hope so.

Here is my letter:

Hello,

My name is Lianna. I am a mother to a four year old boy with Down syndrome. His name is Gabriel. I could tell you a lot about my son. Most of what I could tell you, you've probably heard before: similar descriptions from other mothers.

Other mothers with typical sons; not sons with Down syndrome.

That's the thing: my son is more typical than not.

As my son grows up, he will most likely watch many of the programs on CTV. I know I did. I still do.

The reason I am writing to you today is to voice a real concern over what I heard while watching the July 7th episode of Canada's Next Top Model. Nearing the end of last night's episode, while the remaining four contestants were waiting to see their Cover Girl photos revealed, I was abruptly taken aback by Nikita's, a contestant, outburst. When she saw her picture revealed, she claimed to look "retarded" and further said she looked "disabled".

Could these words not have been edited in some way?

To hear the kind of self deprecating language that I heard last night on your network, was at best, just plain wrong. There is no justification. The days of perpetrating "retarded" or using "disabled" in a malicious way are ending -- at least I sure hope so. My hopes, just like many other parents, are that I'll never have to explain to my son the origin of "retard" or "retarded".

Do you understand how airing this type of language, made in such an obvious derogatory way, hurts hundreds of thousands of people with disabilities and their families, living in Canada, and other countries around the world? Do you understand the impact of a program such as Canada's Next Top Model on young people facing challenges? Are you accountable? What responsibility does your network play in all this?

There is a campaign to end the use of the "R" word. It originates from the Special Olympics organization. I urge you to visit the site to read more about it.

http://www.r-word.org/

I also want you to know that I blog about my life with my son, and how Down syndrome shapes our family. I've already posted about last night's episode of Canada's Next Top Model. I did so in anger last night, immediately after what I witnessed. I'll also be posting this letter. I feel that I have to say and do something.

This may mean nothing to CTV, but I want you to know that I do have readers that visit my blog from around the world. And there are many parents, who have children with disabilities, from around the world, who write about the kind of experience that I had last night. These parents, just like me, want their children to grow up in a world of acceptance, tolerance and understanding. We want our children to be safe from prejudice.

www.mylifewithgabriel.blogspot.com

In a perfect world, a network like your network, would step up and apologize to our community.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Lianna

I've omitted my last name for obvious reasons.

So I ask you, the reader: What next?